Lately I find myself eating more chocolate again. It might have something to do with all the changes in my life that are happening right now.
For me, that need for chocolate is a need for sweetness. Sweet as in gentleness and kindness. “Spoiling myself”, is what my brain tells me on those occasions. As if chocolate is actually good for me. Well, I guess in a sense it is. It is good “enough” to stimulate my brain cells that need attention with a little bit of glucose. It results in a momentary feeling of contentment.
And it is only momentarily. Due to the sugar or whatever. I don’t know how it works in my body. It is too smart for me, and I am glad I don’t have to know it all for my body to function perfectly.
The thing is that I can watch myself indulging, not really enjoying it and yet I continue to finish the piece I have in my hand.
I also know how I could move past this, at least for a little while, till I remember again that I am myself my highest priority. If I don’t look after myself, I cannot be fully there for other people.
I realised this last week, so I said to myself as of November 1st, “I’ll eat more healthy again to treat my body well”. This “strategy” went well for three days, then the weekend came and along with it the invitations. So funny, I have had many months in my life where this would have been no problem at all and I would still be able to look after myself despite those invitations, focusing on eating the good stuff that make me feel vibrant as well. This last weekend, it didn’t go down like that. I fell into the old trap again. Tempted by sweetness and ignoring the guilty feeling that came along with it.
I mean seriously, this is quite funny. I could actually laugh about this! Especially since I know my way out and yet.… “Why not”, you could ask? Good question.
Maybe because my old habits are strong? Maybe because my taste buds like the sweet stuff? Maybe because my tummy is too flexible and not playing up while I eat crap? Maybe… I’ll probably never know because to me it feels like a mix of all the points I mentioned and probably more I cannot think of right now. So, I chose not to fix the why. I am personally quite sick of attempting to fixing things…
Hence, I decided today to “at least” write about it to you. See whether this releasing by typing down these words already help a little. And now that I think of it, I’d like to invite you to join me for a little experiment. If you wish. And if you like chocolate, sweets…
Join me with facing any addiction that you might have. For me it’s chocolate, for you it might be beer, cigarettes or something else.
The next time you pick up a cookie, a beer, a coffee, a piece of chocolate, a cigarette… commit to it. Fully.
Be 100% present with it while you do it. Give it all your attention. Don’t text in between. Don’t call anyone. Pay attention to the taste, to your thoughts, to the feelings and sensations in your body before, during and after you have consumed it.
Do this every time you pick it up for the next week.
I am going to do the same, right now. I actually just stopped typing to take a bite and I have to tell you this bite tasted sweeter than the one I had before while I was typing. Too sweet, a chemical sweetness even that I don’t really like actually. Brrrr.
If you feel like it, let me know in the comments below whether you are joining and how your little test with your addiction is going! I’ll do the same with every sweet thing I put into my mouth. And let’s see next week how it went!
